Sometimes I Wish I Could Save You
by yukikittycatofwisdom
Summary: The reason behind Kurapika's love for reading is revealed in a heartfelt moment between two friends – because that's all they'll ever be. - Drabble


Disclaimer: HUNTER X HUNTER BELONGS TO YOSHIHIRO TOGASHI, NOT ME!

Summary: The reason behind Kurapika's love for reading is revealed in a heartfelt moment between two friends – because that's all they'll ever be.

xXx

It was a typical day. The sun was shining, the bird were chirping, kids were outside playing, Gon was singing in the shower, and Killua was jumping off buildings.

I took a deep breath, smiling as the scent of coffee reached my nose. Taking a break from studying, I jogged on over to the kitchen.

"I smell coffee~" I sang, inwardly please when the blond jumped. Kurapika turned to look at me, "Would you stop that? Sneaking up on me…have you been making Killua teach you those assassin sneaking tricks again?"

Ignoring him, I stole the mug from his hands and took a big gulp of fresh coffee. Ah~ Nothing like a cup of warm coffee to make the upcoming medical exams look like nothing.

"I was drinking that." He crossed his arms. "I do hope you plan on making me another cup."

I placed the half-empty mug on the counter, smiling lazily. "I, as daddy, have got some work to do. So you, mommy, will have to get some coffee some other time and check that our dear child hasn't drowned himself in the shower."

"Uh-uh. I'm not playing this game again, Leorio!" Kurapika growled, snatching the cup away before heading into the living room. I followed him, mock hurt on my face.

"Is…is mommy breaking up with me?"

I chuckled at the glare I received. With a "Humph!" the blond curled up in the corner of the couch, picked up a discarded book, and began to read. I stood there, watching him, for a few minutes before I grew bored.

"Mou…what're you doing?"

"Reading."

"…What are you reading?"

"A book."

"…Hey, Kurapika."

"What?"

"I'm bored."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"…"

Sitting on the couch, I continued to watch. And then got bored again. Not that it wasn't enjoyable to openly observe the blond like this, but…

I scooted closer, then closer, and closer still, wondering when he would stop me. Peering at the book in his hands, I was about to read a few lines when he shut it with a slam. Kurapika raised an eyebrow at me, "Yes? Is there something you want, Leorio?"

"I'm bored."

"I've heard."

He continued to stare, then suddenly turned away. "Uh…Leorio…you're squishing me." I didn't move. Entertainment at last.

"I know." I grinned, knowing he wasn't looking. Although on the inside my heart was pounding. I wouldn't be surprised if it just went on and jumped right out of my chest.

We stayed like that for a moment or two before he finally looked up again. I snorted softly, moving just far enough to give him some elbow space. Some. As in, not a lot.

"Why do you like reading so much?" I asked, out of the blue. Might as well strike up conversation, right? Sometimes I wonder why I don't just stick closer to Gon. Or even Killua. They're much less withdrawn than blondie here.

When Kurapika turned back to the book in his lap, I thought he wasn't going to answer. But then he muttered, "I learn things."

"You do know that book there is fiction?" I pated the hardcover, motioning to the library tag with an F on it. F for fiction. That's how it worked, right?

"I still learn things." The blond muttered, again, almost inaudibly this time. Silence followed, lasting only another moment before he spoke up again. "Leorio? Can I ask you something? And don't say 'you just did'. I'm serious."

So he can read minds, huh? I mean, of course I wouldn't answer like that! It's so common and lame…and…and…okay, I'll stop now.

"Okay…what do you want to ask?" I watched as he toyed with the edge of the book, aquamarine eyes downcast. Hidden. Lips draw in a thin line, Kurapika looked nervously back up at me.

"You won't laugh?"

Realizing he was serious, I straightened up. "Of course not!" I mean, as long as it's not something completely stupid like 'why's the sky blue' or 'how are babies made'…To the latter I'd probably be like 'heheh want me to show you' and that'd sound like…like a Hisoka!

Mentally shaking my head to get back on topic, I waited for him to continue.

"What's…it like to have a family?"

I stared at him in shock. Well, whatever I had been expecting, it certainly wasn't this.

"Why do you ask that?" I breathed, taken aback. Then a thought struck me. "Wait, you have- _had_ a family."

"That's right, I _had _a family. And sometimes…sometimes I find myself realizing I can't remember their faces anymore." Looking, once again, at the book, he passed a sleeve across his face. "I mean, I mean I _do_. But I don't. I can't remember how it was to look at someone and think 'this person is my family and I love them and I know they love me'. What's it like?"

Feeling that I had a duty, as a friend, to answer, I racked my mind for a suitable response. I'd never thought about it, honestly. There was 'mother', 'father', 'siblings', 'grandparents', and the like. They were there. Had always been. So it couldn't be any other way. They just _were_.

"I…it's like…erm…" – think of something, Leorio! C'mon, you can do it! – "uh…it's…like…" I trailed off, again. There had to be something I could say. There had to be. "Like…a wall."

"A wall?"

Yeah, Leorio, a _wall_?

"Yeah, a wall. 'Cause a wall is always there, sheltering you and stuff…"

"…You're making fun of me, aren't you."

"No! Look, I'm really trying here! I never thought about things like this…And I'm not good at words!"

Kurapika frowned, then gave a small humorless laugh. "I knew it. I shouldn't have asked you. Sorry to waste your time- Eep!" He squeaked as I pulled him back before he could stand.

I pulled the blond into a tight embrace, resting my chin against his head. "You know, I should be insulted by your question. 'What's a family like' he asks! Ha! You really forgot? What about Gon and Killua? And me?"

Gradually, his body relaxed, he even returned the hug. Then the blond pulled back with a small, guilty smile. "I'm sorry."

Kurapika stood, picking up the abandoned coffee mug and heading into the kitchen. Hesitating in the doorway, he looked like he wanted to say something. But he didn't.

With a sigh, I opened the abandoned book and skimmed over the pages. My eyes softened, I could tell, at the sudden pang.

"_Your question."_

"_Pardon me, Young Master?" James lifted attention from the piano, finger expertly carrying on the tune. But upon seeing the young man's expression, he stopped and turned to face Alfred bodily. _

"_When you first promised your devotion to me, you requested your pay be the answer. I find it's high time you receive your paycheck." The Young Master leaned closer to his servant, blowing into his ear. "Repeat the question, doll."_

_Keeping polite posture, James breathed, "What's it like to know your loved ones are safe?"_

"_I'm afraid I have no answer." Alfred backed away with soft eyes. Kind, loving sapphires. "For my only loved one is at the moment torn and lost. In turmoil."_

The book offered no solution. Nothing to solve what he so hungrily desired.

Dropping it back to the table, I got to my feet and watched, from the kitchen doorway, as Kurapika made himself more coffee. "So that's why you read, huh? To learn something."

Startled, the blond spun to look at me. The mug crashed to the floor. "What?"

"I'll make the coffee and clean this up, you go check on Gon, okay? He's been in there for a long time." Kneeling on the floor, I grabbed a rag and began picking up the shattered pieces.

Without protest, Kurapika retreated, footsteps heavy. I turned to look out the window, watching the cars go by. Because there was nothing I could say to make him feel better. I could only watch, always watching. No matter what I did I couldn't save him. Always helpless…

Only able to pick him up after he falls…because we're friends.

Because that's all we'll ever be.

-END-

Yuuki: I fail at Leorio POV…The first half of this has been sitting on my computer for months. MONTHS! It wasn't until yesterday that I figured out how I could make this go the way I wanted it to go.

Killua: Why was I jumping off buildings? –A–

Yuuki: Also, the little part in italics with James and Alfred is part of the awesomelishes story my friend wrote called "Beautiful Lie" but unfortunately once she learned I wanted to post even a _little _paragraph on the internet she wouldn't let me look at it…because she's ashamed of her writing *sob* And so that's just from my memory…I liked it better in her style T^T I do it absolutely no justice! (She's OK with it now though, since 'I' technically wrote it or something)

Leorio: pffsh

Yuuki: little unsatisfied with the ending, I've got to admit…Not proofread, btw.

Gon: review please! :D


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